Window Pain

Staring out of a window, longing for the world is a weird feeling.

I understand why we’re here and the severity of the situation, it’s just hard sometimes to wrap my mind around this new reality. Being fearful of leaving our homes, of being around people, of touching damn near everything. Clinging to this small device in our hands that feels like our only lifeline to any social interaction we can practice. Day drinking for the sake of boredom. Scared to work due to exposure but scared to not work due to finances.

Health vs. Wealth. What is life???

I have no answers here, folks. No suggestions on how to productively spend your time or the perfect lesson planning for playing teacher when you’re most definitely NOT a teacher. I have no great recipes or Netflix suggestions.

I’m just here to vent and to organize my thoughts and get them out of my mind where everything is processed as one run-on sentence on top of another. I feel lost. And scared. And anxious. And lonely. And that’s just gonna have to be what it is.
So for now, I’ll create. I’ll paint and draw and make stickers. I’ll put my pain and anger and longing into art. I’ll write my questions in paint on a canvas and blend them into the perfect sunset. I’ll hand letter in my bible every time I open it- which is every time I get scared or anxious- which is every day. (See? Run-on.) I will stare out of this window longingly while drawing windows on my iPad to turn into stickers. I’ll be okay.

But while you’re drinking or teaching or Netflixing, please remember someone somewhere is mourning a loved one they can’t be beside. Attending a virtual funeral of a loved one. Someone somewhere is attending to infected patients hours on end. Scared to death to go home to their families and well, just scared.

So although it’s understandable to joke about the Coronavirus in Cardi B’s voice and TikTok all day, please remember why you’re staying inside and washing your hands and social distancing.

Stay safe babes.

XO, -A